Polygamy: Is It Really All About Sex?
Many times, people accuse men who engage in polygamy of wanting more than one woman simply because they want more sex. Moreover, if a woman considers joining a poly family some, who do not think polygamy is fair to women, say they are just being added for more sex. However, is that really the case?
After interviewing many African men who have more than one wife I can tell you, from what they say, that the answer to those assertions is a resounding no. For them, it is not all about sex, it never has been all about sex, and people who view this type of marriage in that way are really not understanding the true nature of such unions.
Men related that love making in a poly relationship is, oddly enough, just like love making in a monogamous relationship. Just because a man now has more than one wife that does not mean their intimate relationships all become that much different or even more frequent.
The truth is, that the intimate side of a plural marriage is conditional upon the love relationship and depth of communication between the partners involved. If love and trust exist towards each other then the intimate times will follow suit. If partners drift apart the poly marriage may suffer just like any other monogamous union.
For most part, polygamy seems to about responsibility, integrity, and family. They say if any of these qualities are lacking the plural marriage will be about anything but sex. If they do not try their best to take care of their women then their physical relationship with them will suffer. If they are not truthful then their relationship also suffers. And above all, if they are not fair with their wives they say that you sleep in the dog house no matter how many wives you have.
For many, polygamy is about having children (which are highly valued in Africa) It is considered the “right thing to do” when a barren wife seeks a co-wife so that the man might have children. Many times, because almost all the house hold work is done by hand, a woman will seek a co-wife for her husband so that they can share the responsibility for raising the children and keeping house. In traditional African culture a man who has many wives and a stable household is thought to be a good leader and thus is considered when leadership positions open up in the tribe.
in conclusion, African men chuckle when people flippantly say that polygamy is all about the man wanting more sex. Really, they say, no man would sign up for this much responsibility just for more sex.
Here is a young African American woman who has a been thinking about polygamy in the context of black culture.