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In the beginning, we all had a destiny

The Hebrews have a word they use to describe the idea of a “soul mate”:   Beshert.  This word essentially means “destiny” or “your predestined spouse”.  The Talmud teaches that 40 days before a male child is born, God announces whose daughter he will marry.  In some Hebrew thought, it is believed that God divides the soul in half when He creates people, one male part and one female part, and joining with that one you were created “for” or “with” completes you as a person.  This Hebrew tradition illustrates the fundamental understanding of God’s design for men and women: That there is one person you were created to become one with.  

When God created Adam, He said it was not good for him to be alone, and He created Eve out of Adam – something He had not done before in anything He had created.  When she was created, God brought her to Adam and they became one, essentially illustrating “Beshert”.  There were no vows, no contracts, no papers to sign; God just brought her to Adam and they became one.  She was made for Adam because she was made out of Adam.

God’s joins together

This assignment, or creation, of Eve for Adam is what Jesus referred to in Matthew 19:5&6 when he said, “Haven’t you read that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and that He said, ‘For this reason a man should leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two are to become one flesh’? Thus they are no longer two, but one.  So then, no one should split apart what God has joined together.”   

The “joining together” Jesus spoke of was not an agreement between people with vows and a signed document, but rather a God-assigned union just like the way He brought Eve to Adam; the way it was done “at the beginning”.  This is the error He was addressing with those who questioned Him:  That the laws they had about marriage, and even the rules Moses gave them concerning divorce, were not the way God intended it to work; in the beginning it was not to be done that way – no one should separate from their God-assigned partner.   God was to bring every woman to her man and, as He assigned them, they were to be one.  And this was the union that should not be split apart, because God had created it.   

Within us, then, is the created sense that there is “one person out there for me”, and this is evidenced by centuries of love stories of people who knew they were destined to be together.  This “God-assigned” union is what I refer to as “divine mates”.   

Finding your divine mate is important

Are divine mates that important?  I believe they are exceptionally important.  The calling to be with the person you were created for, and who was created for you, is possibly the greatest calling in your life, outside of your service to God.  If a person was created to “complete” another person, then living their life without the other causes them to not complete the fullness of what God has created them for.  Some people are called to be single, and those who are will complete the fullness of what God created them for by living single.  But for the vast majority of humanity a union with another created for you, if it is possible, is vitally important for all God has in store for both of you. 

This pairing of divine mates was intended to work perfectly before sin came into the world.  After Abel’s murder, a huge amount of people who were destined to come through his lineage were never born.  Many people throughout history were killed prematurely, and many other complications caused by sin have affected people’s ability to always unite with their divine mate.  With these things in mind, it is impossible to know if everyone in the world currently has a divine mate available to them or not.  However, if one does have the ability to connect with his or her divine mate, it should be done in order to more closely align with what God has destined for them. 

If a person earnestly seeks God prior to marrying someone, and asks God to guide them to his or her right person, I believe God will do so.  Uniting with the person God created you to be with is the absolute best choice, and I would encourage every unmarried person who desires to be married to seek God and be sure the person he or she unites with is the one God created for him or her.   

People marry for many reasons

But often people marry for many other reasons than knowing this is the person God has for them.  Some people seek God but don’t obey His calling to marry a particular person because of social pressure, financial concerns, and many other reasons. Some people don’t seek God at all, either because they don’t have a relationship with God, or they just don’t ask for His guidance.  Some people marry after conceiving a child out of wedlock, whether that person is the right one for them or not.  Consequently, the world has many legally married unions that are not unions that God has joined together.  

Not uniting with the person God created you to be with is a misdirection of your life; i.e. missing the mark, just as much as working in the wrong career or choosing the wrong college.  And in some of these cases, God may ask us to turn away from the wrong choices we have made.  This means that God may possibly lead you to leave your career in order to do what is His best for you in your work; it means that God may possibly move you from the college you are attending to the one He wants you to attend; and it means that God may possibly ask you to leave the spouse you have been married to. 

Divine Divorce is not for everyone

But does this mean that all marriages between two people God did not join together need to be separated?  Not at all.  A significant number of marriages throughout history were not between God-ordained couples, and many have lived well together and even served God together.  And if two people desire to stay together, I don’t believe God will require them to separate.  However, when a couple is “misaligned” there are times when God will want the people to separate so that one or both can possibly be united to their divine mate and accomplish the important purposes He desired when he created their union.   

The decision to separate from a spouse is never an easy one and should never be taken lightly.  Many couples who did not marry each other in obedience to God experience extreme difficulties in their marriages.  In addition, sometimes in marriages that are not between divine mates, one member of the union desires to follow God completely and the other hinders that or does not have that same desire, again causing extreme difficulties.  In cases such as these, when no resolution can be obtained, I believe God may lead people to separate.   

 Are there any scriptural precedents for these examples? 

Yes.  First, in the book of Ezra.  When the Israelites returned to Jerusalem at the end of the Babylonian Captivity, the Jews had married people of other nations that worshiped false gods.  This was forbidden in the Law of Moses, and God commanded that they “honor the Lord, the God of your ancestors, and do his will.  Separate yourselves from the peoples around you and from your foreign wives.” (Ezra 10:11).   These people were not put away because of adultery, but because they had married against the will of God.  Though we are no longer under the Law of Moses and do not have the same restrictions on marriage as the Jews did at that time, the precedent of the heart of God in the matter remains:  When a person marries outside of the will of God, He may ask him or her to separate from their spouse – He has done that before.   

Another scriptural precedent for God separating married couples is found in Jeremiah 8:8-10:  “How can you say, ‘We are wise and the law of the Lord is with us’?  But, behold, the lying pen of the scribes has made it into a lie.  The wise men shall be put to shame; they shall be dismayed and taken; behold, they have rejected the word of the Lord, so what wisdom is in them?  Therefore, I will give their wives to others and their fields to conquerors. . “  These verses establish another precedent of God:  If a husband is found to not be in obedience to God, rejecting the word of the Lord, God may decide to take his wife and fields and give them to others – He has done that before.   

The original morality is a higher way

Jesus taught and demonstrated a higher morality than what the Jews practiced.   Consequently, murder was no longer only an outward action, but hating another person in your heart was seen as murder by God.  Committing adultery was no longer only an outward action, but lusting after someone in your heart was seen as adultery by God.  Jesus’ teaching on marriage was the same.  Marriage in His eyes applied to those couples that God had joined together, like Adam and Eve, essentially describing the Jewish idea of “Beshert”.  In essence, what Jesus was saying was that the higher law of God is that no one should separate from their partner assigned to them by God; their divine mate.  Whereas allowances for separation and divorce are laid out in the Old Testament, the gospels, and the epistles, these were written to accommodate the hardness of men’s hearts leading to situations in which people had an “earthly marriage” that had gone wrong.  However, none of these allowances apply to divine mates, because those that God assigns as mates must not separate – ever.   

How does one know if divorcing a spouse not assigned by God is something God is asking them to do?  Only by being led clearly by the Spirit and hearing the voice of God.  The decision to divorce should never be taken lightly, and never in the heat of an argument, and only after much time has been spent seeking God and listening to His voice.  Jesus gave us the promise that we can hear Him clearly and discern His voice when He said that His sheep hear His voice, and the voice of a stranger they will not follow (John 10).  The life of the New Covenant believer is one of being led by the Spirit, and the promise is that the more we do this, the less we will give in to the works of the flesh (Galatians 5:16).  It is not only possible, but it is imperative that as believers we learn to discern the voice of God so we can be led in all things in our lives according to His will.  For in the New Covenant, God’s desire was not to lay out another set of Pharisaical rules, but to guide each believer by His Spirit.  Any major decision in our lives needs to be made only by the leading of the Spirit, and the decision to divorce our spouse is among the most vital to be done only in accordance with His will.   

A deeper, broader, more thorough understanding

This perspective on divine mates is a difficult one for many to accept, but it is clearly explained by Jesus, who instituted a higher morality.  And as Paul says, when speaking about quarreling over opinions of laws,  “Each one should be convinced in his own mind.” (Romans 14:5), and that convincing comes by allowing the Spirit of God to give us a deeper, broader, and more thorough understanding of His Word, so we can walk in the fullness He has for us.   

“Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves.. . For whatever does not proceed from faith, is sin.” Romans 14: 22-23. 

Better Place by Rachel Platten