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Continuing on…

Have you ever felt completely alone?

Alone. Completely. Just me and my Savior.  Tears streamed down my face as the pain and hopelessness in my heart swelled.  My Savior was with me, I could feel it, yet I laid alone on the living room carpet – no pillow, no blanket, not touching any furniture.  How had it come to this? I knew His Spirit – He was leading me, I knew that.   Yet I was forced to be here by another who also knew I was following God’s Spirit.

God had confirmed it over and over and over.  God was taking me on a journey of hearing His voice and leading me by revelation,  and I was moving into this picture that God was revealing to me, the picture that was so true and truly from God’s Spirit, yet was so different from anything I had known, far beyond anything I had expected to learn, and there was so much He was revealing to me and reminding me of that He had shown me years ago – yet no one understood.

Cowed no longer

Jealousy? Pride? Rebellion? Control? Were these the demonic forces that I felt swirling around me tonight? The same forces haunted me day after day and kept me pressed to the ground and cowering in fear of further mistreatment and pain. 

But wait, no, I needed to stand up. I needed to fight. This was the Spirit of God teaching me and leading me.  He was revealing to me a move of His Spirit in divine love, a move to connect people together in that love as His Spirit desires – this was from the Spirit of God, not myself, and I had and will continue to embrace it.  As I did, my soul and mind and spirit were flooded with peace – even now.  I reached out to my Savior, and He was there. He brought me peace and comforted my soul and assured me He would protect me – even in the midst of the demonic oppression, He would protect me. 

The truth is that Jesus is with me

Alone…yet, I sensed, not completely.  As my soul reached out to my Savior, He drew me beyond…deeper into Him where He had more for me.  There it was again – what I had felt almost 35 years ago and so often since that time…that drawing, that sense that something out there needed me, yet I could feel again that I needed it too – and it somehow knew that…what was it? A calling? A destiny? A place? A time?  Timeless, endless, beyond space…it was reaching for me as it could feel me reaching for it…something in my Savior and more…almost like it could sense my distress and desperation and was coming to rescue me…

Soldiering on

Put it out of your mind…Tomorrow was Sunday, and I needed to put on my ‘happy’ face.  Oh, the ice, I said I would bring ice for the potlucknow I’ll have to make a stop before church tomorrow.  I needed to sleep… was that possible? God, get me through this night and rescue me! The sun began to rise…

Drive south my son

The light from that same sunrise streamed through his motorhome window. Not that he needed that sun to wake him.  He had been watching the light creep into the atmosphere as he lay awake for the last several hours.  Good thing this was Sunday – his day off. He had to go, he had to drive.  Where?  The Spirit of God was leading him.  “South.  Go south.  Down into the valley”. Why? There’s nothing I know there!  

However, Michael knew the voice of God. He knew it and had lived it.  Sometimes to a place of confirming the Word of the Lord, sometimes to speak as His prophetic voice, and sometimes to pray over a town in need of the presence of God, but whatever the need, obedience was his call, his drive: Listen for Him, hear Him, and obey Him – whenever he called – on time.  So this day would be no different. 

Moved by God

As he drove, he felt the presence of God.  The Spirit was definitely leading him, and the knowing got more and more powerful as he drove further south. The mountains were beautiful in the day’s sunlight.  A deer ran across the road just in front of him, and even as he braked to miss her, there was peace all around him.  What is it Lord? What am I looking for? Let me find it, please.

His thoughts drifted as he focused on the Spirit’s leading…memories, painful ones, edged into his mind.  Too much rejection, disappointments, especially as he followed his Savior’s leading – but so many blessings, too.  God had brought him enough blessings to satisfy any man. Yet why did he feel so restless, why did he feel there was more? Why had he felt for almost 35 years that he was missing something? People accused him of being discontent, not satisfied with God’s blessings, but it was more than that.  Michael knew it was a calling his Savior had for him – had promised him. 

Trying to find that missing piece

It began years ago and was part of the calling – a vital part of the blessing that God intended him to pioneer. Reaching for that calling, Michael couldn’t quite grasp it, there was something more: That missing piece he needed, and something that right now he could feel so strongly needed him.  Was it here? Why did Montana feel so right? No, it was more than a place.  Someone was calling to him, no, crying out for him; needing him, and he needed them.  Like an unfulfilled longing, a magnetic pull, drawing on his heart. But where? It was close, so very close.  Lord, let me find what you are leading me to, what is calling to me.

Close, but no connection

Suddenly the peace was gone.  A dark, demonic presence surrounded him.  It strengthened as it flooded his vehicle. Where to turn…left, right or straight?  Confused and somewhat bewildered, Michael stopped at a gas station.  Praying and trying to shake the demonic presence, he filled his vehicle with gas then walked towards the store to grab a diet cola.  Stepping to the side, he held the door for a woman carrying two large bags of ice. 

Walking through the door, Emma looked at him briefly and caught his eyes for just a moment. “Thank you.” She said, walking past him.  Such pain, he thought as he caught her eyes.  That woman is in deep pain. He looked over his shoulder at her getting into her truck and said a quick prayer for her.  The demonic forces tightened around him as he did, and he prayed even harder for himself.  God help me, fight the enemy for me.  I need to know what you are leading me to.

Night fell as he returned to his motorhome.  What was I looking for? Why didn’t I find it? As he gave up his search, the enemy shrieked in delight.

Lost And All Alone by Bread

To be continued…