Print Friendly, PDF & Email
married man

Beloved Of The Lord,

When it comes to the topic of being a Christian Mistress, people have questions. Some wonder,

“If you are attracted to a married man, how do you know it is the will of your Father and not just your lust? After all, we’ve all had crushes on people during our dating lives and they are not all God are they?”


“What if I sleep with a married man? Isn’t that wrong?”


“I know God wants me to be with this married man, yet he will not divorce his current wife to be with me, what do I do?”

Going against all convention

These and many other questions come to mind when believing women find themselves in the situation of being a Christian Mistress. Though these women love God, they are irresistibly drawn to be with a married man. They do this even though it goes against all convention and church teaching. Though in their hearts they know it is right to love the man God draws them too, in their heads they often battle guilt, shame, and self-doubt.

What I am about to say may seem absurd at first but just consider it prayerfully. Just as Jesus often contradicted the established teaching of the Pharisees, you may find you’re not disobeying God at all as this truth sets you free.  Many times the true heart of our Lord is a lot different from what our church teaches and our society believes.

God has a plan for you

To begin with, God has a plan for each and every one of us. This plan is so important that He marked it out before He laid the foundations of this world. We are predestined, through His foreknowledge, to live the life He ordains. This includes, if we are willing, to marry a divine mate of His choice.

While the biggest and most important decision of our lives is to accept Jesus Christ, choosing our mate is very important also.  While salvation determines whether or not we make heaven our home, our choice of spouse often determines if we’ll reach our full potential in God here on earth.  Mess up either one of these critical choices and there will be disastrous consequences.

Isn’t it a sin for me to be with a married man?

I assume that those who read this essay are believers. I also assume that you are in love with a married man whom you believe God wants you to be with. Moreover, though you feel God’s leading, you are concerned as to whether or not you are sinning.

When God calls you to love a married man, it isn’t strange or unusual, just against Christian convention. Married men are often the only “good catches” left.  Many are proven men who have status, maturity, and wealth. Women have a deep need for strength and security, therefore they’re naturally drawn to established males.

Lust of the flesh or leading of His Spirit?

The question becomes: is the attraction I feel lust or a spiritual drawing sanctioned by God?  If you are just lusting then you are sinning, whereas if God is leading you by His Spirit, you are in His will.

The truth is that the difference between lust and divine love is night and day. Lust is selfish and wants what it wants no matter what. The fact that you are so broken up and concerned about whether or not you are doing right by God, the married man, and even his wife, means that you are not lusting. A woman who is just “on the prowl” does not concern herself with such things. Divine Love is self-sacrificial and wants to bless and promote the other person in the relationship. It is everything 1 Corinthians 13 speaks about and more. Whereas lust drives you to satisfy carnal desires, true agape love drives you to love without limits for the good of the one you love.

The love you feel may be a Divine calling

Dare To Trust God’s Leading

Therefore, if you feel in your heart and spirit that God is leading you to be with a married man, and your love is as I describe above, it is Divine Love. Most women who fall in love with a married man do so because the love they feel is overwhelming. The drawing in their hearts and loins is to care for and be a helpmate to him in any way possible. Check your motivations towards the person you love as a way to know if your love is from God or not.

This doesn’t mean that your love is not sexual though. Divine love is highly passionate and erotic, often more sensual than you have ever felt before in your life.  The power of Divine Love is so great that Christian women often go against everything they have ever been taught to be with the object of God’s affection.  Against all odds, sincere believers sleep with married men because they feel, despite their natural minds, it is the most right thing to do in the world.  All this is indicative of a powerful spiritual connection that God uses to join Divine Mates together.

Why does God ignore the fact the man you love is married?

This, oddly enough, is exactly the truth.  God does ignore the earthly marriage, not having authored it. When God pairs you with a Divine Mate, your heavenly relationship supersedes any earthy contract. Essentially, when you decide to go all-in with God, He cleanses your temple.  As often happens, when a situation is beyond YHWH’s ability to redeem, He hits the reset button. This means if you and/or the man you love are married, God dissolves your earthly relationships to make way for your heavenly mate. This is called Divine Divorce.

What if God is pairing you together for His purposes but the married man refuses to divorce and be with you? Sometimes, the woman, but not the married man will not follow through.  There can be various reason for this such as:

1. Lack of faith and an inability to trust God’s leading.
2. Financial sacrifices he is not willing to make.
3. Fear of losing his children or alienating his relatives.
4. Losing his job or other social costs.
5. Pressure from their church and/or current wife.
6. Just being comfortable where they are at.

If married men lack the faith to move forward, what do you do?

Therefore, for these reasons and many others, a married man may promise to leave his current wife, but never really intend to do so. Does this mean that you were wrong in what you heard God say? No, it does not. Does that mean you should wait and believe God will still put you together? Perhaps, but not always.

In a Divine Mate situation, there are no set rules except to be led by God’s Spirit. However, sometimes the man doesn’t listen to God and opts for just keeping you as a mistress forever. This, of course, is really not God’s plan. Instead of being a divine appointment, you end up becoming a lie, hidden from friends and family and especially his wife. While your relationship is blessed by God, the lie starts to show a lack of faith on his part.

Missing the time of his visitation

Unfortunately, some men are cowardly when it comes to confronting their ungodly marriage. Though they love you and admit that you are the one God wants them to be with, the price seems too high. In reality, they need to trust God and “bite the bullet” or they are not worthy of being your Divine Mate. Frankly, to miss their destiny with you is one of the greatest tragedies they will ever know.

You must show up to be chosen

In every calling of God, there is a period of time given to answer His call. Sometimes it is a short season and sometimes it is long, however, once it is over, you’ve missed it. Likewise, in a Divine Mate situation, when God calls, both of you have to answer. It is not a light thing for someone to resist the will of the Holy Spirit and the consequences are great for both of you. God would not have asked to break every known rule of Christian conduct if the outcome was not very important to Him.

If the man will not honor his Master’s voice, God will simply give you to another who will. Though you are meant to be a tremendous blessing to the married man, he must accept God’s calling.  You may be willing, yet, if he will not make you his Divine Mate, he sins. God is patient and so are you, but YHWH’s will is “time-sensitive”.  Both of you must listen, hear, and obey on time for God to accomplish His divine purpose.

I thought I heard God so clearly, what went wrong?

This can often be very confusing for the Christian Mistress because she feels so strongly that it is God’s will for her to be with her true love. In truth it is but people have been frustrating God’s will in their lives for a long time.  Therefore refusing to take a Divine Mate to wife is just par for the course for some. If this is the case, you must listen to God as much to “break up” with the married man as you did with “being with” him in the first place.

I show you another way

Lastly, there is another option that people rarely consider, but it is sometimes exactly what God has in mind. Though many marriages are deeply flawed, not all are. It is not a foregone conclusion that God wants your married man to break up with his current wife. In some cases, if the first wife accepts you as a co-wife there is no need for divorce at all.

This kind of Divine Mates is extremely rare, but it does happen and is valid in God’s eyes.  In fact, being a co-wife is the more traditional approach both historically and biblically. However, the married man has to take the step to talk to his present wife. Very few men can do this.  However, if you are all led by the Holy Ghost, a blended family is an option.

No need to cry yourself to sleep any longer

Finally, I have gone long on this essay, but these things are important to say. There are more than a few women who cry themselves to sleep at night, agonizing over whether or not they are going to hell for essentially following the Holy Spirit. Just realize that God’s sovereignty is complete and that Jesus is the Lord of marriage. God does with His people as He likes for His own purposes and none can stay His hand. The church cannot override the will of the Almighty no matter what their dogma says.

Lastly, trust God. Admittedly you are in a very difficult situation. Just know that God loves you.  Your Father did not lead you into this valley without there being a mountaintop in your future. It may not turn out just as you imagine but God is with you all the way and in the end, you will be blessed among women.

I believe that Celine Dion and her late husband were Divine Mates and I think much of her music reflects their deep and profound union

The Power Of Love by Celine Dion