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Not the one I was meant to be with

Now What Do I Do?



In this essay, I write about topics that some consider sacred cows in Christianity.  If frank discussions of sensitive topics bother you, please do not continue reading.

To begin with, what I’m about to say is not standard church teaching.  No one, in your immediate Christian circle at least, considers these truths I am going to share “sound doctrine”.  I write these truths, though, out of a desire to liberate and give hope to believers who are imprisoned by terrible marriages.  Essentially, I am visiting you in jail to tell you that Jesus has set you free even in this area.  The truth is, our Lord of marriage wants to pardon your life sentence and unite you with a Divine Mate of His choosing.

A revelation

Waking up one morning you say to yourself,  “this person is not the one I was meant to be with”.  It’s a “revelation”  that you’ve married the wrong person.  Now, what do you do?

From our youth, we instinctively know that marriage is supposed to be a match made in heaven. We value true love  so much, we write and sing about it all the time.  The concept of a Divine Mate is hardwired into us by our Creator.  We just “know” that true love exists, yet many settle for less than this heavenly ideal.

YHWH does not honor what He does not author

While there do exist matches made in heaven, unfortunately yours is not one of them.  You’ve made a poor choice, but having said your vows before God and man, you live with it.

Unfortunately, many people find themselves in this position.  A few months or few years into their marriages, they realize that they made a mistake.  What seemed the perfect choice at the time, now seems more like a life sentence.  The person you’re with isn’t necessarily a bad person, they are just the wrong person. Putting on a brave face, though, you “work at it” and “make the best of it” for your children’s, or your parent’s, or even your church’s sake.

However, the problem often comes to a head when you meet “the one”.  You instantly know that they are your heavenly “match” and suddenly, the loveless marriage you’ve patiently endured for years becomes unbearable.  This produces enormous pressure, because you know that your current spouse is not the one you are meant to be with.  Eventually, you’re forced to make a decision, either divorce your current husband or wife, or soldier on, denying that which you feel is right in the Lord.

Getting lost in the shuffle

Living in “less than ideal marriages”, more than a few believers find that they end up pleasing everyone one but themselves.  Assuming that they’ve made an unbreakable contract before God, they make the best of an increasingly bad situation.  In the world, people often turn to alcohol, drugs, affairs or even prostitution, however, as a Christian you can’t do any of these things.

Many live in loveless marriages believing their sacrifice pleases their Lord when, like Jeptha, they’re just sacrificing everything they hold dear to a foolish vow.  Saints who yearn to be loved by a God-given mate, whither year by year until there’s nothing left.  I know you understand exactly what I’m saying, regardless of your doctrine.

The facade of success

For example.  I knew a prophet who used to beat His wife.  The man’s wife said nothing about it and everyone thought they had a perfect relationship. Perfect, that is, until God sent me to him one day.  I arrived with my staff and the prophet said, “wow, this must be serious”  As I sat before them, I chatted with the man, but suddenly looking directly at the woman said, “you need the Body of Christ”.  Later she called and, as she wept, told of the physical abuse she suffered.

Dying inside for testimonies sake

The truth is,  most believers labor under the false assumption that God must accept whomever “they” choose to wed.  Moreover, once they “tie the knot” they must remain in that marriage for better or worse.  In other words,  even though God had nothing to do with their marriage, they must endure it.  Like the wife of the prophet above, for “testimonies sake” they suffer many things to portray their marriage as successful.  That, frankly, is absurd. If you are living in such a situation, God does not recognize it as a marriage and neither should you.

The twin pillars of heresy

There  are two deeply ingrained heresies in the church.  These doctrines are “sacred cows” which many consider as important as salvation itself.  These two errors are:

1.  The Holy Trinity

2.  Holy Matrimony

While trinitarian dogma obscures who God is and what He desires from us, the concept of Holy Matrimony binds us to people God doesn’t choose.  Thus, we don’t know who God is and our marriages mess up God’s plan for our lives.

Do you still believe the Earth is the center of the universe?

What I speak is tantamount to Copernicus declaring the sun is the center of our solar system. Of course, what the Polish scientist proposed was laughable, because everyone knew the Earth was the center of God’s creation.  Likewise, everyone knows the trinity and holy matrimony are as fundamental as salvation itself.  Yet those who believe that God is three persons are terribly deceived.  Believers who think that God ordains all marriages, regardless of their origin, are as wrong as the clergy who insisted the sun revolves around the earth.

Choose this day whom you will serve

In the very near future, in order to follow God, you will have to make a choice between church doctrine and what the Holy Spirit speaks to you personally.  Todays clergy teaches a grave error as though it is the word of God, thus preventing many from maturing into the Lamb’s wife  The Bride of Christ cannot be perfected and embrace such heresies at the same time.  The false doctrine of Holy Matrimony imprisons many saints in earthly contracts that are not God’s will.  Like Paul, it’s time to be set free so you can go do your Father’s will.

Not The One I Was Meant To Be With

In conclusion, God is one and you are meant to to marry who He chooses. You can’t do this married to the wrong person. Furthermore, if God reveals that the person you are married to is not the one you are meant to be with, repent.  Do not damn yourself and your generations by honoring a foolish vow Just to save face before men.  If Jesus is telling you to forsake all, even your earthly marriage, take up your cross and follow him.